Day 30 - Feeling 'Hungover' by Unfinished Business 

Photo by Annie Spratt on Unsplash

Have you ever wondered where what about the origin of the term 'hangover'? According to USA Today, it is not a makeshift tent that an inebriated person could rent for a penny (a large sheet was placed on a rope and the person slept underneath). According to the Guardian, "the word hangover has only become associated with alcohol in the past century. It first appeared in the English vocabulary in the 19th century as an expression for describing unfinished business from meetings, but it was not until 1904 that the word began to crop up in reference to alcohol." The term's actual origin is a lot less exciting though. 

Daniel Van Olmen, an associate professor of historical linguistics at the University of Lancaster in the United Kingdom, quoted a definition of "hang-over" from the Oxford English Dictionary, which reads, "The alcohol-related meaning of hang-over is an extension of an earlier meaning ‘a thing or person remaining or leftover; a remainder or survival, an after-effect.'"

It is interesting that the term for the pain one feels after overconsuming alcohol comes from the word that originally referenced a seemingly banal experience that we all face: unfinished business. 

I cannot speak for everyone, but when I write something and present it to the world, I tend to live with some form of regret due to unfinished business. Thoughts like, "if I only added this sentence, or if I only made it five minutes shorter," race in my head. 

But life is about unfinished business, and our greatest teacher is the Kaddish, the prayer many people associate with death. 

The Kaddish did not start as a prayer for the dead, it was a short summary of our entire tradition.

God’s name should be great, and how do we make God's name great?  Through Tikkun Olam, perfecting the world...and when it is perfected, when it is full of life, and those lives are supported with all of their dignity, then our job will be complete.  But, the previous generation could never complete the mission, so the next generation took on that mission, and that is why we say these words.  

In the Ethics of Our Fathers (4:15-16), we read the following about the work that we do in this world, and the work we leave behind. 

רַבִּי טַרְפוֹן אוֹמֵר, הַיּוֹם קָצָר וְהַמְּלָאכָה מְרֻבָּה, וְהַפּוֹעֲלִים עֲצֵלִים, וְהַשָּׂכָר הַרְבֵּה, וּבַעַל הַבַּיִת דּוֹחֵק:

Rabbi Tarfon said: the day is short, and the work is plentiful, and the laborers are indolent, and the reward is great, and the master of the house is insistent.

הוּא הָיָה אוֹמֵר, לֹא עָלֶיךָ הַמְּלָאכָה לִגְמֹר, וְלֹא אַתָּה בֶן חוֹרִין לִבָּטֵל מִמֶּנָּה.

He [Rabbi Tarfon] used to say: It is not your duty to finish the work, but neither are you at liberty to neglect it;

These words by Rabbi Tarfon are sung weekly at Shabbat tables; it is one of our mantras as Jews. There is a lot of work to do in the world, in our communities, in our families, and within ourselves, but there is so much work to do! We can become crestfallen by seeing the mountain of unfinished business or the hangover ahead of us. Now I can see why hangover became associated with the feeling one has after they have experienced inebriation. When the reality of life settles in after a night of trying to forget it, it is painful. 

Unfinished business begins with you

Rabbi Israel Salanter created the Mussar movement, a movement based on Jewish ethics, taught: “When I was a young man, I wanted to change the world . . . Now, as an old man, I realize the only thing I can change is myself . . . But I’ve come to recognize that if long ago I had started with myself, then I could have made an impact on my family. And, my family and I could have made an impact on our town. And that, in turn, could have changed the country, and we could all indeed have changed the world.”  

As we enter the Days of Awe, Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur, we are reminded of the unfinished business from the last year. There are some matters of unfinished business that we must be at peace with, especially those matters that can't be finished. But rather than feel hungover by our unfinished business, we should be motivated to move forward and finish what we can. 

לֹא עָלֶיךָ הַמְּלָאכָה לִגְמֹר, וְלֹא אַתָּה בֶן חוֹרִין לִבָּטֵל מִמֶּנָּה

                      It is not your duty to finish the work, but neither are you at liberty to neglect it

Now is the time to work on yourself. During the High Holidays, we read a piyut called Ki Hinei KaChomer. We say to God, we are like shards of clay in your hands. It teaches us about our mortality, but it also teaches us that we can be shaped, we are not completed works of art, we are constantly in the process of being shaped. The question is, are we a part of that shaping process? The unfinished business of life is the material we use to add to the beautiful masterpiece that God created on Rosh Hashanah. 

Writing Prompt

What is the unfinished business you have from the last year, and how do you want to begin to work on it in the coming year?

What have you learned about yourself over the last year that has contributed to the beautiful masterpiece that is you?

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