Day 8 - Havdallah (Part 1) - Separation
During our Elul challenge, I will be posting a reflection and intention from the Havdallah ceremony every Sunday.
Saturday evening is a bittersweet time for us as we perform a ritual known as Havdallah which combines the elements of wine/grape juice (the drink we use for the sanctification of time), the smelling of spices (which act as a sort of smelling salts), the blessing of fire (two flames together) to note a distinction. These items together create a multi-sensory experience where we leave the 'world to come' (or the world as it should be), the Sabbath, to rejoin the world as it is. Havdallah is translated as distinction, but it is also translated as separation. I believe these beautiful symbols are not just a tool to beautify the next week, the future of what's to come, but they also serve as a salve, tools to soothe the wounds that come from inevitable separation. They excite the senses, but they also comfort.
Last Saturday evening, I watched hundreds of Jewish children begin their process of separation from their bunkmates. Each group of 14 - 17 children built a special relationship with each other; a community that will never exist in that exact way again, but at the same time, they yearn to rejoin other communities that they are a part of like their individual families, their friends back home, their classrooms at school, and more. Separation is a double-edged sword; the more we are hurt by separation, the more we realize how special and unique that bond was. The joy of togetherness must be coupled with the pain of separation. Tears flow, but they are a mixture of both joy, sadness, and gratitude. They mix together in a swirl of emotions that float us to our next experience when we strive to mitigate the pain of loneliness to join together again with others who are on our path.
On Friday, I wrote about the idea of Shabbat as reunion (Coming Home to the Mountain)
"The Sabbath is our home, a place where we gather as a people every week. If we look at the Sabbath in this way, as a place that exists in time, then we can also look at the Sabbath as our people's weekly Homecoming and our journeys through the week as solitary treks where we might find ourselves cut off from others. Rosh Hashanah and Yom Kippur serve as our annual homecoming; when we come together as a people around the world, but at the same time."
As much as the Sabbath is our time of unity, the first day can be viewed as our day of disunity, but that's not the case because of Havdallah. Havdallah compels us to wake up all of our senses so we can truly breathe in the beauty of the togetherness that we created, and bring it with us to help brighten the lonely trek during the week.
Elul can be seen as being one big Havdallah; we mark the end of one year, and the beginning of another. Elul is the beautiful month that helps bring us to the inevitable separation. On Rosh Hashanah, the Mishnah (RH 1:2) states:
בְּרֹאשׁ הַשָּׁנָה כָּל בָּאֵי הָעוֹלָם עוֹבְרִין לְפָנָיו כִּבְנֵי מָרוֹן
On Rosh HaShana, all creatures pass before God like sheep [benei maron]
What's unclear in this passage is how we stand before God. Are we alone or do we stand before God as a group? Even if we are alone before God, we bring others with us as we stand before the Holy Blessed One. When we leave one place or time, we also bring the unexplainable and immeasurable experiences we had with our time-bound communities.
Writing Prompt
Write about a time when you were part of an especially meaningful and distinct group that was only intended to exist for a specific amount of time (for example, a bunk in a camp, a club at school, a sports team, a fellowship, a PTO board - there are so many examples!). Who was part of that group, why was it formed, and what beauty was formed during that time that you still hold with you today. What lessons did you learn that helped you become a better person? How do you apply them to your lives today?
Bonus: Write to the group, set up a group text or closed social media page so you can reconnect and reminisce over the magic you created together.
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