Day 16 - Loneliness Versus Being Alone

 Day 16 - Loneliness Versus Being Alone 

(Torah Day - On Mondays and Thursdays, the days where we regularly read Torah in synagogues, I will post a reflection and writing prompt based on the week's parashah)

Photo by Warren Wong on Unsplash

The other day, our Board of Rabbis met with a local health expert who has been giving advice to community leaders since the beginning of the pandemic. As the number of infected adults, both vaccinated and unvaccinated, has risen in our area, many synagogues are now re-thinking whether we should gather together in person at all for the High Holy Days, the one time a year when almost all of our community members come together in person. Keep in mind, most of us did not gather in person last year at all except for outdoor gatherings in some cases. Our rabbis asked the health expert about the dangers of gathering together in person, and she cautioned, "There's also a danger of not meeting. Loneliness can also harm your health, and we've seen that." She has a point. The CDC reports the following about Loneliness and Social Isolation Linked to Serious Health Conditions

Although it’s hard to measure social isolation and loneliness precisely, there is strong evidence that many adults aged 50 and older are socially isolated or lonely in ways that put their health at risk. Recent studies found that:

    • Social isolation significantly increased a person’s risk of premature death from all causes, a risk that may rival those of smoking, obesity, and physical inactivity.
    • Social isolation was associated with about a 50% percent increased risk of dementia.
    • Poor social relationships (characterized by social isolation or loneliness) was associated with a 29% increased risk of heart disease and a 32% increased risk of stroke.
    • Loneliness was associated with higher rates of depression, anxiety, and suicide.
    • Loneliness among heart failure patients was associated with a nearly 4 times increased risk of death, 68% increased risk of hospitalization, and 57% increased risk of emergency department visits.

This last year and a half have been lonely ones for so many people, but, unfortunately, the epidemic of loneliness has been with us for years before the Covid-19 pandemic. That being said, we must remember something - there’s a difference between being alone and being lonely. 

In this week’s parashah, Ki Tavo, we read about an interesting character, the farmer. The farmer is a lonely profession. If you are in business you talk to the people, but farmers talk to the land. All year, day after day, dawn to dusk, the farmer works his field, usually alone.

We read about an interesting mitzvah – in our parashah, the farmer is forced to leave his isolated plot of land, once a year, and come to Jerusalem to offer his first fruits. Along the way, the Mishnah describes how the farmers would gather together, and they would come in unison to Jerusalem. Little by little, they realize that they aren’t so alone. The residents of Jerusalem would leave the city to greet them, standing in their honor yelling out, “Brothers, come in peace.” Even the king would greet them. For one time a year, they were embraced by the community.

We see something interesting here – people come together for a purpose. The purpose is to show gratitude to God – but also, to bring people together, to let them know they aren’t alone. 

The farmer was surrounded by his community at least once a year - even though he was alone, knowing that he would be surrounded by his people at least once a year assured him one thing - he wasn’t lonely. 

We are about to begin a New Year - just a couple of weeks away. Some of us have no option but to be alone for the holidays, but loneliness, the feeling of separation from others, is not a foregone conclusion. 

Writing Prompt

Think about a time when you felt lonely. How did you come out of it? Go back into that time and think about who brought you out of that sense of loneliness. For example, it could have been an invite to a lunch table when you were a kid (or adult), when you attended a Shabbat dinner for the first time as an adult, or when you joined a spiritual community. 


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